Some days can be pretty sour

Waking early in preparation for my big day, I wanted to make sure I was dressed, fed and properly caffeinated in order to be extra attentive for my 8:30am tutorial with Vanessa Kimbell, owner of The Sourdough School. When they emailed me the week before to say that my tutorial with Vanessa was scheduled at 1:30pm, I made SURE to clarify that that was GMT (UK time) and not EST. "Is that too early?" they wrote back. Not wanting to miss any opportunity, I wrote back that this was perfect; I've always been an early riser anyway.
I'm instructed to call Vanessa via Skype; and if busy, keep trying until I reach her. So as the clock strikes 8:30am, I begin dialing - busy. Eight thirty one, busy; 8:32 busy, 8:33 busy, 8:34-8:45 still busy. Ok, I'm starting to look like a stalker. I thought, okay, maybe something's wrong with Skype - I'll try the WhatsApp. I quickly downloaded it and dialed again; busy. For the next hour, I dial every 5 minutes with a busy signal. As you can imagine, my heart is starting to sink at this point - and I've definitely gone past stalker status. During this time, I'm looking over the emails sent, right date, right time ("Hey Siri, what time is it in the UK?" - *confirmed*), and right number. And clear instructions; keep calling until you get through to Vanessa. Now, I'm generally pretty persistent but at some point you just got to know when to fold 'em- so that's what I did. I wrote back an email straight way, clarifying the meeting time, and stating that I was very disappointed that we couldn't connect - but knew there there must have been good reasoning behind it. It took me some time to learn a simple, yet very difficult life lesson: don't make up stories Heather! I knew in my heart there was a good excuse, but it didn't stop the hurt and frustration I felt welling up inside me. What can I do - I did everything I was instructed to do? Just be patient, and wait for them to respond...
Shortly after, I had a yoga Zoom session with my sisters and mom, and suddenly realized how badly I needed this. So as I lay on my mat *well before the time* the feelings started to flood in; and the disappointment I felt really started to sneak in. Let me just say, it's easy to fight the feelings you're experiencing and want to shovel them right back down to where they came from, but I've learned, with the help of two really good friends *one tangible* that it's best to feel how you feel and let the emotions come as they will. Laying there on my mat, I let myself feel hurt, disappointed, frustrated, forgotten; and after a few moments, my family came online; and their smiling faces and their ability to share in my disappoint as I told them what had happened, was all I needed to feel validated. Immediately after sharing with them, I felt the weight lifted as I released myself from the feelings that hijacked me. So I just want to put this out there, for anyone who has had a similar experience to mine - feel it. Don't hide it, shove it down, mask over it, pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows; because that's not being honest with yourself and the people that hurt you. Tell them, tell yourself, tell a trusted friend, and then you can properly deal with your emotions. Otherwise, left to stew or ignored will only lead to more pain down the road - I know all too well from my own experiences! 
After sharing, I felt so much better, and was fully able to enjoy the time with my family in our yoga practice: as it's always such good therapy. Then afterwards, as we were sitting around chatting, suddenly my phone starts ringing. *Vanessa Kimbell* Whoa! "I gotta go girls! She's calling!" I run out of my session and take the call...
Hearing the very English voice on the other line, apologizing for having her phone on silent and missing all of my calls, suddenly put me at ease. After working out a few technical kinks and laughing that we were both quite technically challenged (noting that we are both bakers and therefore better at using our hands) we were then able to move on with our conversation. 
Here comes the news: "I'm sorry Heather, I've had to close the school for the rest of the year and postpone your course." To be honest, I felt this coming long before she even spoke the words and made it a reality. Who wouldn't in today's climate? Without giving away too much of our lengthy conversation, my schooling will be postponed until 2021 and reassessed in January; where at that point, I'll have to make a decision whether I will attend at all. It's definitely a hard reality to swallow with the information that was disclosed to me, but I know whichever way it pans out, I'll never stop learning and growing - and making bread! Delicious, nutritious, sour breads for as long as I'm able . When you are this committed, obsessive, and PASSIONATE, I think it becomes a life long journey. 
So that's me sharing my sour story of the day. I guess my point is; disappoint will come, as it often does in this life. But rather than pretend you're okay with it and hide your true feelings, lean in; go into the feeling, go through the process - but don't stay there. Allow yourself; give yourself permission - espcially now when there is so much uncertainty in the world and all around us - to be honest, to be real, to be vulnerable, and most importantly, to share with the people in your life that you love and trust. Because not everyday is going to be "sunshine and rainbows" and sometimes things don't go the way you planned - and that's okay. 
On a more positive note, Vanessa has committed to having me as her student; continuing to offer me a lifetime membership into the Sourdough Club and offering online one-on-one tutorials over the next few months. My first one - on my Birthday:) I know this isn't the way I planned this to go, but you know, I think it might just end up being better than I planned!

Stay safe everyone, stay healthy, and keep your heads up - better days are yet to come.  
xoheather

Just before my interview time, I receive a text from Shawn. 
It's good to have a #1 fan; and supporter:)